Drabble: Goin' to the Chapel

Patti Abbott has made another challenge to her pals: a drabble -- a story of exactly one hundred words --  inspired by one of three pictures. Succinct, yeah? Here's mine.

"Goin' to the chapel..."

The parson looked nervous. Bart smiled to reassure him, then nudged him along with the Berretta. Now it was his wedding day, he didn't want to wait.

"Dearly beloved..." he paused.

"What now?"

"We need witnesses." The man swallowed.

Bart shook his head. "God is my witness. Ain't that right, Bonnie?"

The parson went on, his voice shaking. "Do you--"

"Bartholomew Jenkins Evans."

"Take this woman--"

"Bonnie Louise Ormond." He gave her a squeeze.

Happiest day: a few more words, "You may kiss the bride."

He lifted her limp head by the bruised neck. Bliss.

☠

Writer Wednesday: Postcard Fiction Contest

An inspiration I had: a contest to celebrate brevity in fiction. Write a story that fits on a postcard! Send it to me. I'll choose my favourite and give it a prize -- let's say $25. Entries open now until 15th May, 2012. All postcards I have received through that date will be in the running -- yes, from anyone anywhere in the world. My choice will be entirely capricious and not at all fair as it will be based on my own tastes. Yes, I'm sure the postcard itself could figure into my decision, so choose wisely. Stories remain your copyright, though you must allow me to post them here if I'm of a mind to do so (I will certainly post the winner). Winner to be announced within five days of the end of the contest. Failure to respond to my email indicating you are the winner within five days will lead to me choosing another winner. Anything else I need to clarify? Let me know.

How to do it:

1. Get a postcard.

2. Write a story on it.

3. Include your email address if you want a chance to win.

4. Send your postcard with sufficient stampage to:

Kate Laity c/o
Moore Institute/Institiúid de Móra
NUIG
University Road
Galway
Ireland

Please share the contest with all your writer and would-be-writer friends. Yes, I'm sure it will figure in my research somehow :-)

See our Facebook event page if you frequent those environs.

*This contest funded in part (though not authorised by) the Fulbright Foundation.

Know-vember: Your Humble Narrator

I want to thank all the wonderful friends who took part in Know-vember. It was a delight to share. I think I may well make this an annual event. Yes, as promised, I will now turn the tables on myself. Don't you already know too much about me? You must be part of the Cult of Kaity or you wouldn't be coming by here, surely, so you must have heard me blather on and on for the--what?!--six years I have been blogging here. From Texas to New York to Galway. Where will I be next? What will I be doing? If I knew, would I tell you? Probably, but first I'd have to know. Wow, didn't the fabulous Queen of Everything make me look good here? This is one of the pictures that hung in her first gallery show. I am art!

1. What's the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

I pick up my phone to see if I have any messages from my sweetie and then I check Twitter (and then Facebook and email and...) and then I finally get out of bed and make some tea (black with one sweetner. If there is no sweetener, I do not add sugar because I do not like sugar: never milk!). 

2. What's a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

I will dance to nearly anything with a beat and a few things that have none. Anything from Vic Reeves' fantastic version of "Dizzy" to Fred Astaire's version of "Cheek to Cheek" -- particular faves include Tori's "Raspberry Swirl" and Dee-Lite's "Groove is in the Heart." 

3. Where in the world do you live?

I live in lovely Galway and every day I stop to think how lucky I am to be here. Life is good and there are magpies outside my window on Eyre Square. I walk down by the bay and am filled with wonder to be in this wonderful world.

4. What's a great night out for you?

I am happiest with a good meal, some tasty drinks, maybe a little dancing or a concert with great music: essential -- good friends with lots of laughs (friends who make me laugh are the best gift of all). That said, an evening down the pub with my friends is aces.

5. What's a great night in?

A good movie and a cuddle in front of the fire with my sweetie. A real fire would be best, but at present I have a fake coal fire and he has no fireplace at all, so we have to make our own sparks. 

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world,where would you go?

Around the world I would go, for sure for sure. I have always wanted to go to Egypt and India, but as long as I were going there I'd want to go to New Zealand too and then why not Japan and China and then Russia and back through Scandinavia and to Finland again and Iceland too -- on and on. Macchu Picchu! Rio! Everywhere.

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?

I would say Alice in Wonderland which people tend to know from movies rather than the real book and it is one of those lynchpins of my life, but I'd also want to get people to read Beowulf (in the original!) so I could just recite lines from it at random and be understood (well, I already recite lines at random, but people tend to stare at me). I should be smart and say one of my books...

8. What movie makes you cry?

Lots of movies make me cry! I'm a sap. Guaranteed tear-jerkers include Auntie Mame, Now Voyager, The Women, Dark Victory, An Affair to Remember, Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility -- oh, the list goes on and on!

9. What makes you laugh?

Peter Cook, Peter Cook, Peter Cook! HAHAHA -- unexpected that, right? And Tony Hancock, the Goons, Pythons, Goodies, AbFab, Black Books, The Mighty Boosh, Blackadder, and all my witty friends.

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?

I am the fairy at the bottom of the garden but I moved inside because my toes were cold.

Thank you all for a fantastic month of sharing.

Know-vember: Bertie

It's the man who needs no introduction, but did insist on his own special font. Here is he at Eton; nothing but the best for Bertie.

1. What's the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

say oy

2. What's a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

Anything by the sensational Irish duo Jedward! [Ed: groan!]

3. Where in the world do you live?

just a bit north of manhattan....a bit. quite a bit.

4. What's a great night out for you?

drinks with the guys at Harry's Bar in Paris, sank roo doe noo. (celebrating 100 years, this Thanksgiving!)

5. What's a great night in?

chewing on marrow bones with Connor, maybe with a little 1990 Chateau Margaux

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?

a Thomas Cook agent, to purchase all the tickets and accommodations to all the places i want to go to. i think st. helena would be the first stop.

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?

why, Pelzmantel of course!

8. What movie makes you cry?

Dr. Zhivago

9. What makes you laugh?

tragedy + time

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?

no. Connor took care of them.

Merci, mon frère!

Know-vember: The Other Marko

Jeez, now we're doubling up on entries! Where were you folks at the beginning of the month? I know, I know, everyone's a last minute Charlie. I couldn't get Marko to do the question thing, but his evil twin Bizarro Marko AKA Pony Boy has given me his responses. He's one of the handful of people I still know from when I lived in Los Angeles -- or know again (thanks, social media). Let the madness begin!

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

1. What's the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

Beautiful coffee...

2. What's a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

"Disintegration" by the Cure

3. Where in the world do you live?

Knoxville, TN in my own little world.

4. What's a great night out for you?

Good meal with friends, wine, dancing of all sorts - ballroom to freestyle.

5. What's a great night in?

Wine, fire and movie with my children.

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?

So torn!  Italia?  Egypt?  Sao Paolo?  Hmmm, probably Ukraine from where my parents came.

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?

Gods of Eden

8. What movie makes you cry?

Gladiator

9. What makes you laugh?

My children in laughter.

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?

Who told you about my fairies?  Of course there are and they drive the gnomes crazy with their practical jokes.  One time, these two fairies flew past...  Wait!  I've said too much.

Thank you, madman!

Know-vember: Dana Gravesen

The days are just packed, to steal a phrase from Calvin and Hobbes! No sooner does Dana compliment me on the fun to be had in Know-vember than I strong-arm him into answering my devious questions. And now they're up -- BAM. Serves him right! I first knew Dana as a snot-nosed thirteen-year-old on the Horror in Film and Literature List. He's now a doctoral student. How awesome is that? Damn. From New York City to Iowa no less, but he's one of those folks who bloom wherever they're planted. Well done, you! We need to drink more martinis together, young man.

1. What's the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

Nicely ask Alley (my cat) to stop chewing on my hair. [Ed: Kipper chews my hair too! I miss him :-( waah!] Then I hit the snooze button 10 times. Then panic about what day it is and what needs to be done. Then I hit the snooze button 5 times. Then I put coffee on to percolate while I smoke 2 cigarettes outside.

2. What's a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

There are so very many. But dancing for me usually requires a bit of “lubrication.” The excellent thing is that I can dance to Slayer and Rihanna on the same evening at the local gay bar. “Rude Boy” is my favorite.

3. Where in the world do you live?

Iowa City, Iowa USA. It's a town dominated by the University of Iowa, but it has a few charming elements like good restaurants, the Pioneer Food Co-op, and shirtless jock neighbors who like to leave their blinds open 24/7.

4. What's a great night out for you?

A couple of good friends at a restaurant or tavern. I'm more of a stay-at-home kind of gal and usually get irritable or quickly exhausted with late nights out.

5. What's a great night in?

Alley on my lap, the couch, boxed wine, and Roseanne.

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?
 
Hong Kong. I'm a huge fan of Hong Kong cinema and I absolutely love exploring super-metropolises. Plus I have a lot of friends who grew up in Hong Kong and could show me the ropes. My second and third choices would be Copenhagen (I'm part Danish) or to return to Belize.

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?

Any of Maupin's first six in the Tales of the City series. [Ed: Love those! In my novel Owl Stretching, the dead cat is named Mr Tolliver]

8. What movie makes you cry?

A couple of years ago my answer to this would be the following Simpsons quote: “This is where the tears would be if I could cry! But I can't. Botched facelift.” I never used to cry at films. But the first film to ever make me cry was The Bridges of Madison County. I threw the book across the room but thoroughly enjoy the film (Go Iowa!). Truth be told, the first movie to ever make me cry was Bird on a Wire with Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn. I was 8 years-old when it was released and I forced my mother to take me to the lobby during the final “zoo” sequence because I didn't want to see any animals get hurt.

9. What makes you laugh?

Witty friends and drag queens.

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?

No, but there are often fairies smoking with me on my stoop.

Thank you, you're beautiful!

Know-vember: Chloë

What is more awesome than awesome? It has to be the lovely Chloë! She sent me absinthe chocolates. That would already make her more awesome than awesome, but she's also hilarious and has adorable Maudie to help with the awesomeness, too. We finally got to meet in Derby this year at Alt.Fiction after having lots of laughs on line. Not surprisingly, we had lots of laughs in person too. How awesome is that? Very awesome! Like Chloë. Here she is with a ladybird hat & Mr Y.

1. What's the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

Think "oh fuck, not this again" and then get a kick in the head from Maud the dog who objects to me being compos mentis as it generally involves me moving and disturbing her.

2. What's a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

I could probably be persuaded to dance to anything because I’m easily led, let's get that clear early on – and I’m especially easy once I've had a few, ahem, blackcurrant cordials. I have a fond memory of dancing in a student night club to "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls and putting the fear of god into the tiny student girls and boys (I was a “mature” student) with my earthy hip movements … Nowt better than scaring the children.

3. Where in the world do you live?

Fribourg, Switzerland. It’s the city that all the other Swiss cities look down on. And they shouldn’t because Fribourg is shiny. As long as you don’t mind life at a molasses slow pace and occasionally being bored titless.

4. What's a great night out for you?

Unexpected nights out - ones that are organised last minute or when you think to yourself, "This is going to be average, so I'll just have a couple and then get an early night" only to wind up crawling home, full of Jägermeister or some other deadly concoction at three in the morning. Which makes me sound like a lush ... okay, I confess. In truth, the best nights are the ones where you can relax and talk to the people around you and not feel awkward. That’s all I really ask.  

5. What's a great night in?

Me, Mr Y and a paddle. Not that kind of paddle either. Ain’t no creeks round here.

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?

India. It has been a constant desire since I was about 6 years old. I want to see as many Ganeshas as I possibly can, see the full moon light up the Taj Mahal, breathe in the air of the Himalayas, sink my toes into a beach in Kerala, launch a lamp onto the Ganges at dusk for my Grandfather, and to witness New Delhi – amongst a catalogue of other things. I also have a hankering to see Canada (and to meet Isa and catch up with my pal Shelley) and to see the Aurora Borealis in Iceland (especially now as they should be at a peak for the next year or two). Can I have one of those round-the-world-many-stop-ticket thingies please? [Ed: yes, and me too so I can go as well.]

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?

Vegan Freak: Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World by Bob and Jenna Torres.  

8. What movie makes you cry?

Oh lordy, I am a sap when it comes to movies. In real life, I’m not much of a crier, but the movies can manipulate the crapola outta me and I’ll fall for it every time. I’ve never seen all of ET, just can’t do it, can’t even watch clips of it. Out of Africa nearly killed three generations of the women in my family when I watched it with my mum and grandmother. And then there was Reservoir Dogs. I had an immense crush on Harvey Keitel for a very long time and I thought he was beautiful when he was trying to keep Mr Orange alive. I bawled like a baby and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. They may have had a point.

9. What makes you laugh?

Odd things. Mr Y can make me laugh like a donkey – he’s got a mainline to my funny bone and I couldn’t even explain why most of the time. I love Mighty Boosh and The IT Crowd, and a cornucopia of other tv stuff, but I have to confess to a penchant for Jackass. I know it’s wrong on so many levels but watching a man snort wasabi and then retching inexplicably tickles my funny bone. I can’t lie to you; I’m clearly a base and desolate creature.

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?

I used to talk to the ones at the bottom of the garden of the house where I grew up. I had my own little plot at the back of the shed where all I grew was a climbing white rose because that was all they wanted. I spent many happy hours there.

Thank you, ma'am. You are a delight.

Know-vember: Miss Wendy

You knew she would be here: the Patsy to my Edina, she of the big hair, former Elf-Queen (and survivor of many a medieval play), southern gal supreme, Mechademia Submissions editor, connoisseur of Jack Daniels and hostess of the Rosh Hashanah Ragin' Kegger and Toga Parties -- Miss Wendy! I am so happy to know that Miss Wendy will be in Ireland after Xmas and this island nation will never be the same again if we have anything to say about it. Wendy reminded me that we were together last New Year's Eve, too, when I visited her in the home of Faulkner. Ringing in another year -- where will we be in another year's time?! Who can say? :-)

1. What's the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

Well, this morning I cursed out Pumpkin, my cat, who decided to howl, run laps around the house, and play with what I thought was not a noisy toy at 5:00 this morning (two hours before my alarm). Most mornings, I open a coffee can, savor the smell of the grinds, and make a very strong cup of coffee.

2. What's a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

I am not averse to dancing and have danced to many songs in my life -- some of which I am not proud. I can always be persuaded to dance to a Ramones song.

3. Where in the world do you live?


In my mind, in my house, in the city of Oxford, Mississippi, in the Southern United States, in North America, in the West, on Earth, third planet out.

4. What's a great night out for you?

Dinner at a restaurant in the Latin Quarter, Paris; off-Broadway play in New York; moonlight trip in a rowboat on the Vltava in Prague; and finally late night karaoke with my friends in Tokyo. (I've done three of four. Any one of them would be a wonderful night out).

5. What's a great night in?


Martinis and kung fu movie marathon.

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?

A year in Tokyo; or birdwatching in Costa Rica.

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?


Haruki Murakami's Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World; or his short stories The Elephant Vanishes.


8. What movie makes you cry?

These are movies that I like to cry to. They are the ones that I believe have earned my tears. I cry at other movies but either the quality of the cry is not transcendent or the stupid movie has manipulated my tears. Here's a list of the good cries: Akira Kurosawa's Ikiru; Isao Takahata's Grave of the Fireflies; Mike Newell's Enchanted April (a happy, melancholy cry); James L. Brooks' Terms of Endearment (I know, a classic tear-jerker, but darnit, both Debra Winger and Shirley Maclaine are just too good); I'm sure there are classic Hollywood films I am missing here. Kate will send me a list, I'm sure -- yes, I know Dark Victory [Ed: "Did the sun go behind the clouds?".

9. What makes you laugh?

This sums up my sense of humor. It's a cartoon from the New Yorker. I can't find the link but I'll describe it. A clown is sitting at a table in an outdoor cafe. He's holding a balloon and a tear trickles down his cheek. A woman stands at the table, looking like she's about to walk away. She says "If you must know, he makes me laugh." It's the balloon that gets me. I never get tired of it.

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?


Nope. Cats ate them. 

 Be seeing you, Miss Wendy -- can't wait!

Know-vember: Lovely Dundee

We're taking a brief detour from people to get to know a city: Dundee. I haven't been to Scotland for decades! What a delight to return. And I had never been to Dundee, so it was all a pleasant surprise to me to get to know the land of McGonagall.

The Tay gives the city its distinctive flavour and the Gulf Stream provides its unexpected warmth. And the haar! The thick fog nearly kept me from leaving Scotland (which I wouldn't have minded at all).

Speaking of unexpected warmth :-) I found the locals to be very friendly: Mark, my native guide, showed me the ropes in his town and made me feel right at home.

It wouldn't be Scotland without a tribute to Robbie Burns. The statue sits outside the McManus, Dundee's Art Gallery and Museum.

And one of the attractions at the museum is the Tay Whale, who hangs over the main exhibit hall.

One of the delights of the city are all the whimsical sculptures. These penguins appear around the back of a church near a shopping centre.

What better way to honour Captain Scott, whose ship the RRS Discovery can be found docked on the Tay (more penguins there!).

But here's an impish monkey playing with the letters on the signboard...

And here's DC Thomson's famed Dundee residents, Desperate Dan and Dawg with Minnie the Minx.

The star may be the fabulous Dundee Dragon...

But how wonderful is the Lion and the Unicorn clock? See it in action here.

Britannia tops a building that was once a bank; Mark showed me a Ladbrokes, too, that had been a bank and had a gloriously baroque ceiling. We were probably the only people to look up at it for some time. Everyone else had their eye on the screens and their betting forms.

And here on the same building, perhaps Abundantia, the goddess of prosperity. Given the hard times Scotland's facing at present, more offerings should be left at her feet.

The Howff, Dundee's beautiful city cemetery: a gorgeous and peaceful place.

I will have to take more photos here when I go back; I know my cemetery-loving pals will appreciate them. Great history.

The beauty of a chance photo. I don't know why I like this snap so much, but I do.

This one, too: I call it "£25 Pink Moon" in honour of Nick Drake's lovely song (although clearly it's the sky not the moon that's pink >_<). This was about twilight on Guy Fawkes Night. We went over to Baxter Park to catch the fireworks. A crisp clear night and quite beautiful.

Inevitably, people ask about haggis. The "Scottish" shop in the airport had piles of it. There it remains. I was not tempted. The green labels indicate "vegetarian haggis" -- no, not sure what's in it.

I wasn't able to resist these coasters though. Pleased I already knew these words, though that's probably mostly due to Terry (thanks again for being my chauffeur, by the way). Thanks to Mark and his boys for a warm welcome. I had a very lovely time.

It's been a good week: I was art! And look, I had an insect named after me! Here's Kate with Irfaan, as photographed by Ayub at the Butterfly World Project (a wonderful place that's helping preserve those beauties). Life is good.

Know-vember

Ah ha! I woke up with an idea this morning to do another round of interviews on the blog (inspired by Alan Partridge of course). I'm always taken aback when I realise how many of my friends don't know each other -- not surprising I suppose with my globe-trotting ways, but I always seem to assume that anyone who knows me knows everyone else I know.

Silly me!

So I've sent out the first round of invitations to people I thought might be cajoled into participating. It's meant to be fun, not onerous in any way! You don't even have to tell the truth. Just a way to share the wonderful people I know with each other -- and yes! Of course I will turn the tables on myself at the end of the month. You needn't wait for an invitation: feel free to email me and say you want to be part of Know-vember. Because you do!

Jane Quiet: Fashion Icon?

Ah, the randomness of the internet! This post on Polyvore showed up on my Google search for Jane Quiet. No idea who this user is or what prompted them to choose Jane, but it's kind of cool (especially the raven ring!), though Jane would never wear those shoes. You can't chase demons in those heels.

Jane Quiet : Occult Investigator by mangoweb featuring Yves Saint Laurent

Items in this set:
M. MARANI M17006 BLACK WOOL -, 255 GBP
Underwear - Boyshorts - New - Gift Guide - Cooler Than You - Elle..., $35
Tribute Suede Pumps, 485 GBP
Crocodile Scarf, Yves Saint Laurent, 450 GBP
Clay-Pot - PYRRHA- Truth Pendant, $125

Connecticut Jaunt

Despite the tight schedule I have this month, I decided to take the opportunity to run down to Connecticut and see my pals before I take off for Britain for a month on June 1. I headed out with the sun shining and the windows down while I blasted music through the lovely Berkshires. First stop was the Punk Rock Jukebox, where I proceeded to annoy Marko while he was trying to do his show. The Queen showed up to help me -- we achieved a new record time for raising the pulsating vein on his temple! Thanks for the Death CD, Marko!

Afterward we ran off to the pub to try Marko's new drink suggestion, the Green Tea Breeze. Very tasty! We were joined by Johnny 10X after he got off work, and then it was time to head over to Miss Wendy's where I was going to be staying. I refueled with some Earl Grey and then we headed to the Aloha Alcohula* where we proceeded to have Stoli-Bollis, a very dangerous thing to do. Not least of which because it led to a sudden decision to lacquer every one's nails with black polish (N.B. Friday had been intended to be a girls night, but the boys crashed it), so Marko and I ran to the store (me without shoes, so I had to stay in the car anyway) to get the polish. He got the once-over from the check-out guy, but he was undeterred in his mission: brave man.

So we painted fingers and toes and giggled like a bunch of teenagers. It was fun. Yes, that's my feet and hands above. Polish since removed.

After such lethal cocktails Wendy and I knew it would be wise to take a cab home, which is when we discovered that this was a seemingly impossible thing to do in Willimantic. Really? Really?! So, thank you Ken for coming to the rescue.

Saturday we woke up bleary eyed and settled for watching a very bad SciFi channel film (is there any other kind?) Kaw, about ravens on the rampage (yes, really -- it had Mennonites, too!), then headed out to Elena's to meet her new puppy Maya -- and play with the other pups, Shaq and Bodie. Eventually we wandered into West Hartford Center and after several misfires (everything was closed for good or for lunch or for renovation) had some lunch, then went over to the Cheesecake Factory to have dessert, but the wait was too long, so we went to the B&N instead, which oddly enough had Cheesecake Factory cheesecake in their café, so all was well.

Wendy and I relaxed Saturday night with the Three and Four Musketeers (Ollie, Ollie!). Sunday was breakfast at Nita's with the Boojums, where we got to hear about The joey Zone's birthday jaunt to Worcester and natter on about this and that. Then it was back to Miss Wendy's, where she had time to introduce me to a new anime series, Mushi-shi, before I headed back out on the road to NY.

A good trip! Thanks, everybody, for a great time!

*Best damn tiki bar in Connecticut!

Red Nose Net

Comic Relief is a big deal in Britain -- all sorts of people take part in Red Nose Day and the best comedians get together to put on silly skits and, best of all, it raises oodles of money for charity. Some Americans (like John Hodgman and Jonathan Coulton) are getting together to get the tradition rolling here. Check out Red Nose Net and become part of the fun! Donate, follow them on Twitter, join in and help.

Red Nose Day will run from noon Friday March 13 to noon Saturday March 14. Send news about your participation to web master @ red nose net dot com. Have fun -- do good! Comedy + charity: what could be better?

The Birthday Odyssey

The birthday week unfolded: Sunday friends gathered at WTs for drinks and cake (no, Gene, no one was fooled by your going off to the restroom -- and taking your jacket). It was fairly quiet (amazingly enough) and I wasn't facing any of the televisions, so that was good. Thanks to all who came out.

The actual birthday day was a bit more quiet, but I was inundated by kindly wishes via the internet. It's wonderful that while I can't afford to be a jet-setter, I can be a net-setter and at least virtually visit my far-flung friends. Sigh. Must win the lottery one of these days to provide that private jet and chauffeured car.

After a good bit of time on the computer, I balanced a bunch of boxes all the way to the post office -- after picking up my own mail which had more birthday cards -- and then trotted over to Central Ave and Tom Spaulding's Tattoo Studio. Tom's place had been recommended to me by local friends. It's certainly a very friendly place (with wifi too!).

Tom himself did the work. He's a second-generation tattoo artist. He had artwork from his father's studio up on the wall, vintage stuff from the 40s and 50s -- very cool. He's also a big movie buff, so we watched Ray while he was working, although we ended up chatting a lot as well.



Tom took the rough image I brought -- a xerox of a black feather, with corrective fluid turning it into a magpie's wing feather -- and turned it into something really beautiful after listening to my inarticulate explanation. I'm very happy with the image!

Gene and I had dinner at Café Madison, where I enjoyed the 1108 Strip and Gene had the Dijon. Both were marvelous, of course, and there was also the fantastic bread they make every day, too. Yum! Best of all, I have the leftovers for lunch today!

Seven Deadly Sins

Of course, this spider isn't deadly, but it looks as if it were! Okay, there's not really a link to my topic, I just thought this picture Stephen Fry posted on Twitter was terrific. He's currently down in Madagascar and if you follow his tweets, you will get some cool photos.

In class today I had my sophomore class do an exercise I have used before, but the results intrigued me because this is one of those quiet classes that seldom speaks. Consequently, they have made a lot of extra work for me to come up with a variety of techniques to get them to engage with the materials, including making them lead the discussion at the start of each day. Not always successful, of course, but at least they get to feel a little empathy (I hope) for my frustrating situation.

The exercise focuses on our reading of Chaucer's Pardoner's Prologue and Tale. The Pardoner is a swindler who not only tells his fellow pilgrims how he swindles people, but tries to do it to them at the end of his tale. That's some chutzpah! In demonstrating his art, he actually offers a moral sermon on the theme Radix malorum est cupiditas, or avarice is the root of all evil (a subject he knows all too well).

In the course of the discussion, we talk about the Seven Deadly Sins, a popular rhetorical tool in the Middle Ages (and beyond: Marlowe gives us a wonderful parade of them in his Doctor Faustus). Then I mention how the Vatican has come up with a new list for our time, modernizing the medieval trope.

Before I show them that list, I ask them to work in pairs and make their own list. I also ask that they provide people in the news to exemplify them. It's always interesting to see what they come up with. I did a version of this just a week or so ago with the freshman medieval class: their major point of concern? Gang violence, for one, which seemed an odd thing to focus on in this relatively safe city (especially for a bunch of mostly small town and suburban kids). They also came up with some of the same concerns as the Vatican, like environmental damage, drugs and excessive wealth.

The sophomores also focused on greed, citing Enron, the oil companies, Hollywood and, perhaps unfairly, Bill Gates, as examples of avaricious wealth. The big thing for them, however, was adultery. I think every single group listed that, citing either Brad Pitt or Bill Clinton (they ran neck and neck throughout). Pity that this seems to be the legacy for Clinton, not that balanced budget and lack of debt that we're all paying for now with the no-tax-but-plenty-spend (AKA après moi, le déluge) practices of the current administration. There was one group who blasted stupidity and named W and Palin as examples, but by far Clinton was a favorite target. Those who named murder as a key sin also mostly named O. J. Simpson as the example. I mentioned that he had been found not guilty in his criminal trial, but they seemed to disregard that detail.

Paris Hilton was the equivalence of conceit for several of them. There was a group that found flashy dressing to be a sin and mentioned a co-worker as an example (too much glitter). One group mentioned rape as well as murder (Ted Bundy and Charles Manson respectively), but on the whole I was struck by their very personal and judgmental focus. There was little perspective on the larger world around them or vision beyond their own immediate concerns.

I always learn from my students, but I don't always like what I learn.

I should have known better...

Yes, I was a glutton -- three medieval classes in one term. I should add, I'm teaching three medieval classes with at least two different textbooks, so I am teaching some of the same texts in different translations (as if conveying the complexities of different parts of the Middle Ages were not hard enough!).

I can't tell if it's more perplexing to teach the same text at the same time with very different translations and aims (medieval lit for non-majors v. gender in medieval lit for sophomore majors) or the same text at different times -- so I always catch myself saying, "Did we already talk about this? No? Oh, well -- let me explain..."

My third class of the day -- the upper division one -- bears the brunt of this exhaustion and inevitable confusion. I'm always making them laugh as I get stuck stammering on a word, because suddenly I've lost the one following it as my mind races to check:

1) is this the right text?

2) have we already covered this?

3) am I confused because I said something similar in the previous class?

4) or was it in this class last week?

5) and now they're all staring at my sputtering and thinking I'm crazy!

I generally recover quickly (I can always vamp on just about any medieval topic for a fair space of time until I recall where we're supposed to be) but I'm beginning to think the Medieval Texts on Film class thinks they've signed on with a lunatic. Fair enough.

Nonetheless, it's better to have this embarrassment of riches (teaching the field I love and have been trained for) than to be stuck with the dread thousand year survey. In my last position, I had to cover the class that lumped together everything from early Anglo-Saxon heroic poetry to transitional Anglo-Norman texts to Chaucer and the late Middle Ages to Elizabethan drama to the English Civil War to Restoration drama and the roots of early journalism. In a semester!

It's like having a huge banquet and a half hour in which to eat it. You can cram your mouth with stuff, but you won't digest a lot of it and you won't even get to taste some of the signature dishes (I am so not going to teach Spenser! Just not qualified). You get the academic equivalent of heartburn.

Why do it? Often it springs from a desire to teach 'foundations', the explicit recognition that all writers stand on the shoulders of the giants who have come before. But it also devalues those foundations with the suggestion that a mere semester of running through that thousand years will sufficiently acquaint students with the complexities of these wildly varying texts and cultures. The often unspoken assumption is that the students can then be ready to move on to the 'important' (i.e. post-1800) texts -- argh! Medieval literature is not just 'background' for modern literature.

Bootless (but Corseted)

I was all pleased to be without the boot any longer, despite the swelling today (pushed things too much yesterday, I guess -- missing the whirlpool at physical therapy, sigh). But my trip to the orthopedist this morning resulted in another appliance, an ASO, which naturally I have already dubbed "the ankle corset" (nice lacing). Despite their claim that it "will fit in any type of shoe," it could not fit in the slip-on Sketchers, so I had to go home and get the Chuck Taylors.


Here's what it looks like all wrapped and ready to roll (minus the Chucks).

Fiction/Non-Fiction

From the official Empire State Building site:

Narrating the tour is Tony, a fictional, but nonetheless authentic, native New Yorker born 50 years ago in Chelsea, an area of Manhattan not yet the hot, trendy neighborhood it is today. The tour is written from Tony’s point of view and is filled with his colorful, amusing and informative observations about his favorite city . . . and his favorite building.

Huh? I think I might like to be fictional yet authentic. Maybe I am -- who knows?

Stephen Fry in America

My hopes that Fry's visit to all 50 states for his documentary on this country would lead to 1) his no longer doing that quite terrible "Ammurrican" accent (leave it to your former partner, whose accent is superb) and 2) not portraying the nation as a circus of freaks, seem to be dashed by the teaser video at The Guardian. Despite his recognition that the vast expanses of the country assure a broad palette of differences, he sums up Americans as "very positive" but needing "a lot of encouragement" and the video highlights woodsy hunters in plaid, smearing themselves with deer dung, and colorful pagans in wild costumes at Samhain. Yep, Americans are wacky.

I had hoped that someone with Fry's intelligence would resist playing to the stereotypes, but who'd want to see a series on the States that suggests Americans differ as much from each other as they do from people in other countries? Apparently no one on BBC1. Sigh -- maybe the show will be better than the trailer, but I don't hold out much hope.

Given the Boot

Yes, I have been booted now, which is a definite improvement over the crutches and Ace bandage. I taught today -- up and down to the third floor a couple of times -- so my foot was quite swollen by the time I got to the orthopedist. Crutches are painful! It was easier to limp up the stairs. But he looked at the x-rays and said very bad sprain, torn ligaments (insert Marge Simpson noise, which is what the doctor did as he pointed at all my bruises), calcium deposits from previous injuries to the ankle and, yes, it's true! A heel spur and plantar fasciitis, but only coincidentally.

So, I have the boot for walking around, I'm back to elevating and icing (or will be in a minute or so), and will be starting physical therapy to begin the healing process so I won't be lame for ever. It's a relief to know what is wrong instead of guessing, but it's still painful (and inconvenient). On the plus side, my students and colleagues were very helpful to me today and I have already Sanrio-fied the boot (well, duh!), Hello Kitty on the left and Badtz-Maru on the right.