Soap Opera Digest

Titmuss Street: Babs and Henry finally agree to give the kitchen a much needed make-over, while ignoring Frederick's pleas for help from under the floorboards. Felix, fretful over his creeping baldness, shaves the cat in a desperate attempt at camouflage. Hilda, however, remains unimpressed and leaves the gallery opening with Carlo, who intimates to Felix that he will be painting Hilda later (without a canvas). Marnie waits.

'Round Uxbridge: Ralph and Penelope continue their affair, although she finds there is too much friction between them and starts fantasizing about Teddy's gentle ways. Over lunch she confides to Sarah that she will ask Ralph to change from leather restraints to silk, but Sarah conceals that she, too, is sleeping with Ralph and has already claimed the silk. Pauline drowns her sorrows in bitter, but they prove able to float. She conveys her myriad disappointments to Ralph over dinner, but finds her brother distracted and instead turns to Teddy, who immediately reveals that he has come to the realisation that he is gay and has fallen for her brother. Ralph calls Sylvia suggesting an evening of Nutella and spoons.

Netherwood End: Because he is unable to hide his accounting irregularities, Peter avoids meeting with Linda, fearing she will fire him, unaware that she is working to bring the company to bankruptcy because Old Netherwood once ruined her father. Patsy discovers the second set of books and forces Peter to acquiesce to her soft toy fetish. Bertram spots the two of them together at Hamley's and immediate files for divorce. A clerk in the store uses his mobile to record their inappropriate encounter with an elephant puppet and puts it online, although it is dismissed as a hoax.

Frithville Five: Spurned by Rodrigo, Millicent heads to Harvey Nichols for a shopping orgy only to run into the Babcock twins, who convince her to pleasure them in the intimate apparel fitting room. It seems the perfect pick-me-up until the constables arrive. The consequent headlines help Caroline distract Kevin from thinking about her pregnancy and its unlikelihood while she concocts a plausible medical excuse. Bunny cleans. Lawrence, in a fit of pique, shoots his father, who complains bitterly about the ungrateful youth of today.